he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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