I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
