Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
