Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
