there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
