legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
