the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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