its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You smell like stripper and shame
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Houston, we have a blender
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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