I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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