He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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