I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
