so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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