Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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