Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
farters have to be the big spoon...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
