You can't motorboat a personality
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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