I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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