Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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