News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
