Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
