We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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