I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
