My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
