your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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