At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
