I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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