How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
