Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
