I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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