"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
