I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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