Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
