Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
