she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
