You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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