She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
