Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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