just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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