I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
