My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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