Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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