i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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