My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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