I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
