You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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