He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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