dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
