Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
