i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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