It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
