Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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