just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You took a bar mat shot.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
