So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
