I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Terrible idea I love it