i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
