Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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