Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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