its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
