I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
