Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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