No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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