Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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