Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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