peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
