dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
