You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize