I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
